Category: Let's talk
Living in the upper-middle class or upper class, we've got everything we need and then some. Our food, clothes, shelter, electronics, and more is provided and we don't have to worry about a thing because we know that our own or our parents' paychecks will come every week or two weeks.
But how many of you have started at the bottom and made your way up the socioeconomic status bar? Have you started with nothing? Or have you started with just a house, very little furniture, and a small amount of food? It's so difficult for some of us, and easy for others.
I have personal experience with this, and the thing I find odd is that when my family started over again with next to nothing, that's exactly what I wanted: nothing. We moved out to a different area in July of 2001; all we had was a family flat, a bunch of clothes, dishes, two tables, a portable TV, a fan, two mattresses, one bed frame, and couch cushions. (We couldn't get the couch into the flat.) No, we didn't have towels, washcloths, food, or a car. We had had pizza for dinner that first night, and trust me, neither of those tables was big enough for five people to sit around. We had money, but money for what we needed, and that was it. So the next day was full of walking to stores and shopping. We didn't get much more furniture until the school year started because my mother was a teacher, and we had to buy a car first before my dad could return to work. His job was about a half an hour away. We didn't have to worry about not having toys and such because there was a park down and across the street. I remember making many friends at this park and going there almost everyday. Because we lacked cards and board games, toys, and electronics at home, we were forced to seek entertainment and enjoyment elsewhere.
But what I found funny was that when I had next to nothing, I didn't really want anything but what I needed. I didn't want all kinds of electronics, candy, and other amenities.
It's so amazing that so long ago, I didn't have or want much, and now I'm spoiled. What I ask for, I usually get, and that's the end of it.
Have you yourself had experience with making your way up the socioeconomic scale? How was your experience? Were you at an age at which you understood your situation and the value of money? How did you deal with not having many belongings? Was there a pastime that you and your family did often?
I was poor as a kid and I never really cared. I was hungry and dirty and lived in a drug house but I was just... Strangely naive. I am funny now, 'cuz we do get Government assistance to pay our bills and rent and food stamps for my son, but I still find I'm not that interested in having all the latest shit. I know, it's weird.
I have never been poor. I mean my dad worked three jobs and my mom worked one. When I asked if we were poor, my folks always said we were "just right." I lived in a neighborhood with a lot of other kids who lived in little houses and whose dads were blue collar workers. I just figured that's how it was.
When I went to the school for the blind, my eyes were opened. I felt real embarrassment but it is not what you think. I hated that I got all my clothes as hand me downs from my cousin Kathleen. She lived in new york city and her parents were extremely rich. To me their house was a mansion. Aunt Virginia purchased all her outfits from bloomies and bergdorfs and pboutiques. When she outgrew them, she'd pack a box and send it to my mom. Yes, they were beautiful and I supposedly looked adoragle. When the houseparents helped me unpack my stuff they naturally looked at the labels. Then it was "you must be wealthy." "must be nice to have all that money." All the girls picked on me. I'd say that they were from my cousin and they'd laugh at me and say I was lying. You can't imagine my joy when my dear auntie had a midlife crisis and went all hippie in the late 60s. She decided that sewing was the way to go. Of course, she'd pass her master works on to me. Oh I loved those butt ugly peasant dresses and skirts made out of table cloths. No labels were in them, and people pitied me for my wardrobe.
Seriously, as long as we have our needs, our wants can take care of themselves. Love of our parents or care givers is much more important than the latest gizmos and gadgets.
My stepmom is totally bemused because she can't figure our family out. My furniture came from yard sales. My dishes don't match and neither does my silverware. However, we have great sound systems and many pcs. She has about a gazillion dust catchers, beautiful furniture and a crappy tv and one of those press and plays from the 60s for a stereo.
If you want to find out how meaningless posessions are, look at hurricane katrina survivors. We have some families living here. You rarely hear about the loss of thheir stuff. it's just I'm lad to have my family.
You know I consider myself extremely lucky on a couple of counts where money is concerned. Firstly I'm extremely lucky because at the age of 29, I have a home, a beautiful wife and we don't have any financial concerns. If we need, or indeed want something, then the money can be made available. That's a very nice situation to be in, but in a way I also count myself as lucky because I can only fully appreciate the good life now because I wasn't always this well off. I was the oldest of 4 and my Mother was on her own for much of that time, living on what money she could get from the state. That inevitably meant that there was very little cash to go round. As kids we didn't get many treats, we didn't get lots of pocket money, we didn't get to go out every other night and eat in restaurants because the money simply wasn't there. In short, we were poor. We never went hungry or anything that dramatic but what was available had to be made to stretch out.
So as a kid I learned early that money wasn't something to be frivolously wasted and honestly that has served me so well in later life. I'm sure that we all of us are guilty of taking our situations for granted, I'm no exception to that failing, but I at least do have some perspective and do remember from time to time to be very grateful for what I have now.
I suppose that most important of all my upbringing taught me the differentiate between need and want. I find myself constantly bemused by just how many people can't separate the two things. That of course is particularly relevant right at the moment with the World's economy in it's current perilous state. So many people have massively over extended themselves financially and I can't help but be thankful for the fact that my upbringing is the biggest reason that I haven't headed down that route myself. I absolutely do not like to borrow money. That's not to say that I haven't from time to time had to get loans, but wherever possible, I've tried to pay for the things that I've gotten. I can't help but think that had more people have followed that basic rule, we wouldn't be in the trouble that we currently find ourselves.
I do attribute a lot of today's global problems though down to upbringing. It seems to me that we're taught less and less simple financial responsibility. Or perhaps encouraged more to be financially irresponsible. Either way it seems to me as though credit is considered a god given right instead of a privilege. Once upon a time, if you couldn't afford to buy something, then you didn't get it. Or at least, you actually had to make an effort and had to save up and get it. These days though it's just borrow borrow borrow. Get more in debt because why on earth should we have to wait to possess something that we want? And please note the word want there, not need.
Anyway, I'm probably wandering off into my own little side rant now, but thank you for the thought provoking topic.
Dan.
I think (well I know) people adjust their lifestyles to their means. I think it's natural and not necessarily wrong. But I also know getting used to someting and then having it taken away is a very hard thing for one and adjusting down can be psychologically difficult.
In my case I was raised by a lower class family, we had a decent house and food but very little else. We got used to eating horse meat, whale meat and other more exotic food items, partly because they were the least expensive things available to my parents. They worked very hard and by the time I enterred high school we were definitely more in the comfortable middle class, we even took a couple of family trips abroad couple of years apart and had a nicer car and, with my social security income, I actually had some money to do things. I got to travel a lot because of my swim career with the Icelandic national team (disabled team that is, I am not *that* good) so I had it pretty nice. I made it to a very well respected university and got a very nice job graduating 7 years ago. Then I really enjoyed a pretty enviable life for a while, I had near unlimited flight benefits, due to my sister working in the air line industry, spent a weekend in Detroit, then LA, then Pitsburgh, even went to London for a weekend (8 hour flight) first class. Materialistically I had it very nice. Then I first got cancer and had to go on inactive employee status and by the time I was coming back from chemo I had been laid off due to the financial fiasco.
I invested all the money I had saved up in an apartment in my native country of Iceland, biggest mistake I ever made, the Icelandic financial colapse wiped out $150000 in a couple of months. Now me and my wife and two kids live of student loans and university grants as we prepare for the future by getting new degrees and waiting for our chances.
Going from "where should I go this weekend" to "how can I pay this hospital bill insurance doesn't cover and still have something to eat next month" is a very disspiriting experience. Not necessarily just because you can't go get a new computer, because it's cool, but for those who work their way up, they sometimes place their selfworth on their ability to work and make money. I think being blind makes this even more important, being able to pull good income is a big mojo booster, living off of social security is very difficult and feels utterly wrong.
Not to whine, I'm sure my fortunes will turn around once I get new degrees and work harder on what skills I have, and once the economy comes around and new jobs become available, but I just wanted to point out that those who work themselves up, I think, often feel they have a bit of an entitlement to a nice lifestyle and show it off as a success case, then having it taken away is a bit like taking away years of achievements (even if it isn't necessarily like that it can feel like that) and can cause that person to go through some difficulties, even if,objectively speaking, others are worse of than they are and accuse them of whining about nothing. I think it's justifiable to have a hard time losing a lifestyle and status, especially for those who worked very hard to get there. And I think part of this crisis is hitting those hardest who invested, even more so than those who lived of credit (one can always declare bankruptcy once one has nothing and will not lose anything really, but if one invested one's own money in something, even things as safe as real estate, it can be punishing).
Harp and Wildebrew you both make valid and interesting points. I agree with both of you f but want to amplify.
No one should feel entitled to anything. That is a common response but not a pleasant one for those of us who have to witness your feelings of entitlement. I'm a believer in consequencial education. If you do well, you should get a reward. and if you screw up or screw others then you get a punishment or something that is not pleasant.
I'm thankful for everything I have because I've been without and done without. I well remember before marriage trying to decide if the medicine or the food were more important.
Parents do a terrible disservice to their children when they don't bring money in to the picture. From the time my kids were tiny, Jim and I taught them by example and participation that what they got cost msomething. For example, when they were tiny, I'd take them to the toy store. You can have one toy for five dollars or five one dollar toys. It's up to you to decide. Then, whatever they chose they got. During Elementary school, I'd take my son to the grocery store with me and say "you have a certain amount to buy lunch for you and your sister for the five school days. Now remember a lunch contains a sandwich or equivalent, fruit, and a desert. Now, you go pick out what you guys will eat and make sure it's within my perameters." Also, I'd let them look through the paper and clip coupons. Whatever they bought and ate, they got the coupon savings added to the allowance.
I get sick when I see parents going in to debt so their kids can have the best of everything. My friend puts her kids in premium soccer leagues and buys them the name brand athletic clothing. for Her graduating senior high son they rented a limmo with all the trimmings for the prom. They had to take a home loan out for this, but junior only gets the best.
Oh, that]s one thing I never understood. Some of my school mates got big things, like a car or motorbike or bike or something of that nature if they passed their exams or graduated from high school. I absolutely do not see the point in additional materialistic rewards for something that should be straight forward right for you. Yes, I think making an occasion out of it is necessary to show appreciation (I got to throw a little party or choose my favorite dinner with all the trimmings), but I was never offerred some huge reward for doing my job, nor would I have expected to. I think, deep down, I would've been a little offended, although being a teenager I would not have said no, lol.
Holly, what your friend did is disgusting! I think that treating a child like this gives them the wrong idea. Because every time they do something right, they won't only be looking for a reward, but some huge, over the top present.
And I totally like your system of teaching your children about the value of money very early and life. It's better to do it then, than try to compromise with them when they're teens. Money is not something to just be carelessly spent and used up. It's meant to be spent, but not so unwisely and outrageously.
My mother is one of those people who likes to buy things whenever. She always complains about how she doesn't have money to pay the entirety of this or that bill, but then she'll go to the store and buy a basket of clothes and three pairs of shoes. Wow!
And now that we live in a big house, we have to have big parties for everything. She says that this year, she's going to throw me and my siblings huge ass birthday parties, and supposedly, her birthday party's going to last for three days. I suspect these plans to bottom out, but I just don't know. She thinks that just because we live in a huge house, in a nice neighborhood that we have to have the topnotch stuff, and have to throw huge parties like other people on the block do.
My mother is just one of those people who unfortunately don't understand the value of time or money.